Help Me!
by Gaelcelt
Summary: Steve/Bucky slash. As Steve and Sam guard Bucky while they wait for the rest of the Avengers to arrive, Bucky's memory begins reawakening.


These characters are not mine.

Steve/Bucky slash. As Steve and Sam guard Bucky while they wait for the rest of the Avengers to arrive, Bucky's memory begins reawakening.

Help Me~!

"Help me…!"

Bucky had only mouthed those two words, but the impact of those words and the sight of Bucky with his metal arm trapped and his face, his eyes, exuding pure vulnerability nearly made Steve drop to his knees. He'd bit his lip, trying to keep his composure although he was on the brink of tears.

Now Sam and Steve were had Bucky in their custody and they were guarding him with every fibre of their beings as they awaited the arrival of the rest of the Avengers.

Steve's thoughts raced as he fought to concentrate on protecting the man he loved, who he was frightened he would never find. Despite his joy that he and Sam had found Bucky, Steve could still hear the unanswered question that had plagued him since he was just thirteen: does Bucky feel the same way about me as I do about him? It had been anguish to see Bucky charming women left and right, even though he invariably returned home to Steve. And how could Steve ever tell Bucky how much that he meant to him? Not in a society that refused to believe that homosexuality existed.  
Steve's mind wandered back to Peggy. He'd liked Peggy, but mainly because he could see some of Bucky in her: the dark hair and intense eyes, the razor-sharp wit and equally sharp tongue, the ability to fight, the defiant spirit, and the protective nature. She was a beauty, but she wasn't Bucky.

"You were telling the truth…!"

Steve froze before he slowly turned his head. That voice, brittle and husky from disuse, sounded more like Bucky than like the Hydra puppet that he had been. His eyes were glassy and looking right into Steve's eyes.

"Steve, I...!"

Steve swooped to his side in an instant. "Bucky? You remember what I said to you?"

"I remember saving you from street fights when we were growing up…! It's hazy, but I remember it."

Steve sniggered at the memory, glad for a break in tension.

"I remember you saved me from Hydra in World War II," Bucky's right hand rose to cup Steve's cheek, "I still can't believe that you're not a scrappy little punk anymore."

Tears streaked Steve's face as he cupped Bucky's face in his hands and leaned their foreheads against each other.

"Cap," Sam hissed, "There'll be time for that later, right now I'd focus on making sure that there's nobody out there trying to capture him again."

"Sam, I…!" Steve began to apologize.

"It's all right, Cap. I understand. I just want to break this pattern of you finding and losing each other again. You know that Hydra doesn't give up easily."

-

Steve finally had a chance to hold Bucky as Bruce, Thor, and Tony worked to free Bucky's trapped arm while Natasha, Clint, and Sam continued to stand guard. Bucky went stiff at first at the embrace, unaccustomed to tenderness, but as his body remembered, as his mind remembered that he mattered to Steve he relaxed as Steve caressed him.

"I remember when I fell from the train…" Bucky sounded hollow.

Steve's face twisted in anguish at the memory and he tightened the embrace, "I'm so, so sorry that I couldn't reach you, that I didn't look for you…! I should never have assumed that you were dead!" He was crying in front of the rest of the team, but he didn't care.

"I won't lie, Steve," Bucky ran his hand through Steve's hair, "I wanted someone to save me," he clenched his jaw, wincing, "But I'm glad it was me instead of you."

"Don't say that, Buck!" Steve gently chided him, "It hurts so much to remember that I could have spared you from all of this and I failed to save you when you needed me the most."  
Without thinking, Steve reflexively kissed Bucky on the cheek. Both of them froze.

Bucky's mind suddenly registered as old memories emerged from deep in his mind, beyond the reach of those horrific memory wipes. He remembered seeing Steve's seeming crush on Peggy after Steve had saved him and the captured men of his unit. He remembered how proud that he was that Steve could now fend for himself but how crushed that he was since it then appeared that Steve no longer needed him. He remembered how he felt like crying when he saw the way that Steve had looked at Peggy. He remembered how many other women he'd charmed in his efforts to hide from Steve, frightened that Steve would find out that his best friend was in love with him.  
Steve's kiss had startled him, but a jolt of hope shot through Bucky. He knew that he'd felt it, that he hadn't imagined it. Could it mean that his crush on Steve might not be one-sided? That they'd been hiding from each other all this time?

Steve's horrified embarrassment brought Bucky back to the present. "Bucky, I'm so sorry-! I didn't mean to~!"

"Steve, it's all right," Bucky shushed him, "Really, it is. I'm actually glad…!"

"Glad?" Steve looked puzzled, but the sight of tears slipping from Bucky's eyes somehow spelled perfectly for him what Bucky meant.

His heart so full that he was nearly speechless, Steve gently kissed Bucky's cheek, half-sure that Bucky wouldn't reject him but still bracing himself. When he felt Bucky return the kiss, he knew that he had nothing to fear.

"We're almost finished, Cap," Tony interrupted, "Your boyfriend will be free in a moment."  
"Tony," Bruce shot him a look, "When has Steve ever said that they were a couple?"  
"I'd say that it's pretty obvious, Bruce," Tony remarked, which earned him a dirty look from Sam and Nat as well as Bruce.  
"That's their story to share, Tony," Sam chided before returning to keeping a lookout for any HYDRA agents.  
But Steve and Bucky hardly acknowledged them. They were too busy embracing like their lives depended upon it.

-

"It's against regulations, Rogers," Fury was slightly incredulous that Steve would volunteer to care for and help rehabilitate the Winter Soldier, even if the assassin was Steve's best friend and the closest thing to family that he had, "I hope that you understand the choice that you're making. He's still potentially dangerous."

"I know that, Fury," Steve was adamant, "I've had direct experience, if you haven't remembered. I know what he's capable of."

Steve turned to gaze at Bucky in the holding cell, watching him and Fury with silent defeat. The newly reunited friends exchanged a wistful, yearning look. It was impossible for anybody to miss the intensity of their gaze, let alone Colonel Fury.

"You realize that you're playing with fire, Rogers. I'll allow you to do what you think is necessary for Barnes, but if your safety is endangered then it stops," Fury's tone was leaden with seriousness, "I can't have you risk your life for a man who might be beyond rehabilitation."

Steve bristled, "Respectfully Fury, I am used to putting myself in danger and this time it's personal and I don't care if I end up bloody and bruised. I thought that Bucky was dead and then I found that HYDRA had brainwashed him and turned him into their puppet. I've loved him since we were kids…!"

Steve's eyes watered, but he remained firm, "I've almost lost him and now I have a chance to bring him back and if it means putting myself in danger then so be it!"

Fury stared at Steve with little expression and sighed, "As you're so insistant Rogers, I won't stant in your way. But I will intervene if it seems that it's endangering you."

"Deal," Steve nodded. He knew that it would be a war to restore Bucky to his old self, or that neither he nor Bucky would ever be the same, but Bucky was alive and receptive to him.

-

"Stevie," Bucky's voice was soft and fragile, "I don't know where to start…!"

Steve sat gingerly beside Bucky on the bed. "I don't really know, either, Buck. There's so much that I want to say, so much that I want to ask you."

"I love you, Stevie," Bucky's voice quivered, "This is so hard for me to say, but I've been in love you since we were fourteen…Oh god, I'm shaking~!"

Steve instinctively took Bucky's hand. Bucky stiffened a bit and Steve went a little pale, "I'll stop touching you if that's what you want."

"No Stevie… please hold me~!"

Steve pulled Bucky into his lap and crossed his legs. Bucky reflexively sat with his legs around Steve's waist. They fell into the embrace, eager for the intimacy.

"I've loved you since we were thirteen, Buck," Steve gasped as he stroked Bucky's hair, "I was so terrified that you'd find out and you'd hate me, that you'd never feel the same way. And then I lost you so many times…!"  
Steve began sobbing at the memories, at the sight of Bucky falling from the train, remembering them with a new kind of regret.

"Can you ever forgive me, Bucky? It just kills me that I could have saved you from HYDRA that day on the train and I failed you."

Bucky buried his face against Steve's shoulder, feeling the warm wetness of his tears soaking Steve's shirt, "Oh Babe, what could you have done?" he murmured as he stroked Steve's back and ran a hand through Steve's hair, "I was out of reach."

Steve shivered at the sound of his new pet name. Bucky had called Steve "babe" or "babydoll" half-teasingly when Steve was still a little slip of a thing. At the time, while it secretly made Steve shiver with delight, he hated the nickname and the insinuation that he wasn't manly enough. Now that he heard Bucky call him that again, he never wanted to live another day without hearing it. "Bucky, darlin'…! Oh, sweetheart…!"

It was Bucky's turn to shiver in delight, although he still wasn't sure that he truly deserved it. Wanting to change the subject to something brighter, he remarked, "I've loved you since we were fourteen, Babe. I guess that we've been hiding from each other all this time."

A smile crossed Steve's lips and he pulled away to gaze into Bucky's eyes, "You've got that right," he said fondly before his smile fell, "I was scared that you'd reject me."

"So was I," Bucky replied, eyes shiny from the recollection, "As much as you looked up to me, I admired you just as much~! You always had the guts to stand up for what's right, even if it meant that I had to patch you up again."

Both of them sniggered, remembering their old dynamic.

"It hurt so much to see you flirting with an endless string of women, even though you always came home to me," Steve's tone returned to wistful, "I figured that as long as you were happy and I still had you in my life, I'd be happy…"

Bucky's eyes watered and his face contorted as he recalled those dates with a new form of regret, "Oh Stevie, I'm so sorry…!"

They returned to the embrace, eager to hold each other as tightly as possible yet afraid that they'd hurt each other.  
"It's not your fault, Sweetheart," Steve murmured as he kissed Bucky's shoulder, "I was putting up front, too. I acted like I wanted the women that you introduced to me, even though I could barely hold a conversation with them. I tried to convince myself that I wanted them."

"And I remember how you looked at Agent Carter after you saved me from HYDRA the first time," Bucky's voice was husky, "I was already afraid that you didn't need me anymore, since you'd become a muscle-bound super-soldier… and the way that you looked at Peggy~! I was so proud of you, but I thought that I'd lost you forever when you looked at her like you did…"

The way that Steve had flirted with Peggy and then that horrible day on the train hit Steve like a sledgehammer. Steve could see it in a whole new light, and he shuddered as it occurred to him that Bucky might have been telling the truth when he said that he was glad that he had fallen from the train instead of Steve.  
"Oh Bucky, Darlin', I had no idea~! I'm so, so sorry…!" Steve gasped as he buried his face in Bucky's neck, beginning to convulse with sobs, "I can't believe that I hurt you like I did~!"  
They rocked each other as they wept together, shaking as years of pain fought to escape from them.

"I love you, Bucky…! I could never throw you out like an empty bottle!" Steve was astonished and shaken at the thought that he would discard Bucky since he no longer "needed" him, that Bucky would even think that. "I love you more than I can ever say."

"Stevie, my love…! I'm so in love with you that it scares me," Bucky's voice was small and broken, "Like it's too good to be true."

"You've wanted me almost as long as I've wanted you?" Steve tried to shift to a lighter subject, "I only reached your shoulder and I was as thin as a rail."

Bucky smiled, "Your good heart and your determination to stand up for what's right I find attractive, and even when you were five feet tall and hardly weighted 100 pounds I thought that you were irresistibly cute."  
Steve blushed, "And now that I'm…?"

"Slightly taller than I am and as strong and muscular as a horse," Bucky finished the sentence, "I still find you beautiful. And yes, I mean 'beautiful'. Either way, I wouldn't refuse you had I known at the time that you loved me in return. I still wouldn't refuse you either way."

Steve beamed, "I wanted you not just because you were always there for me and my biggest advocate, but also because you didn't treat me like I was made of glass. That and I have always found you unbearably beautiful, smart, and charming," warm tears spilled over Steve's cheeks, his voice trembling, "And you were always so gentle and selfless with me, like I was the only one who mattered to you…!"

Deep inside Bucky's mind, the remnants of the Winter Soldier scoffed at these tender words and derided Bucky.  
 _"You're a fool to believe this. You are nothing. You're nothing but a cold-blooded killer and your emotions are only proof that humans are weak."_

Bucky shuddered slightly, but enough for Steve to notice. "Sweetie, what is it?"

"The Winter Soldier won't let go of me so easily, Steve," Bucky's warm glow had faded, "I'm a killer…! I don't deserve your kindness, I don't deserve any kindness."

Steve gasped in horror at hearing this, "Bucky, Sweetheart, that wasn't you! That was HYDRA acting through you! You only did it because they gave you no choice."

Bucky looked like he was wilting, feeling unworthy of Steve, of anybody's love. Steve scooped his arms around Bucky again, holding him against his broad chest.

"You deserve to be happy, Sweetie, truly you do," Steve murmured desperately as he kissed Bucky's forehead, stroking his matted locks, "I let you slip through my fingers once and I'm not going to let that happen again…! Not when I know that you love me as much as I love you. And I will devote the rest of my life to your happiness, if that's what it takes. I'm with you to the end of the line."

"Stevie," Bucky soon returned the embrace, nuzzling into Steve's neck, "It's been so long, Babe~!"

Despite their pain, their loins were beginning to betray a desire that neither had imagined was mutual. It was impossible for them to miss it.

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Bucky's spiky humor broke through the tension and they both giggled, glad for the diversion. "I'm very happy to see you, Sweetie…and you look pretty happy to see me, too!" Steve remarked.

Gazing directly into each other's eyes, the new couple felt a warm, tingling sensation sweep through their bodies. It felt like there was electricity in the air around them. Steve's face was flushed from crying but he looked radient to Bucky, while Bucky's careworn red eyes and the residual sadness in his face did not make him any less beautiful to Steve.

Nothing could have prepared them for their first kiss. While Steve was a bit clumsier, neither had ever tried kissing another man and it was a bit wkward. The stubbled, robust face of a man was a contrast from the smooth, delicate face of a woman, but Steve and Bucky were ecstatic.  
They had finally kissed each other after years of yearning for each other and it thrilled them more than they ever thought that it could. Bucky's kisses from his numerous dates and Steve's hasty kiss with Peggy were pleasant enough, but they could not begin to compare with what they had just experienced. They nearly came before they broke the kiss. They gaped at each other, speechless with amazement for a moment before their lips met again, lips and tongues eagerly exploring each other as it sent new electricity through their bodies as they ran their hands through each other's hair, caressing and fondling each other.  
They broke the kiss after several minutes and collapsed side-by-side onto the pillows, gasping and tired yet amazingly exhilarated. They knew that this was what they wanted, to make love to another man, to love and be loved by another man, especially since Steve had always been in awe of Bucky and Bucky equally enchanted by Steve. But the sensations were far sweeter than either of them could have dreamed, all the sweeter since they had been denied each other for so long and had denied their true feelings for each other just as long. Bucky closed the gap between their bodies as they kissed in a full-body hug, legs intertwining. They could both feel the intensity of their arousal through their pants, a sensation that made them kiss harder and grasp each other more eagerly.

"Bucky, Sweetheart, do you want to go through with this? I don't want to push you into bed when you're not ready for it," Steve's eyes were big and earnest, "I've waited so long for this, but I want to be sure that we're on the same page."

"I want this too, Babe," Bucky caressed Steve's face, "I've wanted you since we were fourteen and it all feels too good to be true."

Steve sat up and removed his shirt, ready to toss it to the floor when Bucky grabbed it and inhaled it deeply. Steve had always smelled so sweet and in that moment it was like a breeze from Heaven itself.  
Steve gently took Bucky's shirt and carefully removed it. Bucky's chest and whole torso were as beautifully muscular as ever, except that now they would be naked just for each other to enjoy.  
Steve winced at the sight of the scar tissue at the boundary of Bucky's shoulder where it met his metallic arm.  
"Stevie?" Bucky's face clouded with apprehension, but it was short lived. Steve tenderly kissed the cruel scars that ran erratically in all directions onto the skin of Bucky's shoulder, his hands gently caressing the beautiful flesh that HYDRA had so cruelly punished.  
Bucky quietly pulled Steve into his arms, their naked chests touching. It made them gasp.  
"Your poor arm! I should have tried harder to reach you…!" Steve whispered into Bucky's neck as new tears streaked his face, his hands caressing his lover's back as though trying to wash Bucky of all of his traumas.  
"Shhh," Bucky murmured, "It's just us now, Babe. Think about that another time."

Bucky disengaged and sat back, gazing at Steve, still amazed at how big and robust that Steve had become with the serum. He was like dream come true. Bucky found his right hand caressing its way up Steve's muscular belly to his voluminous pectorals, flicking against a rosy nipple. Steve gasped slightly and Bucky laughed as he saw Steve's nipples tighten in excitement.  
"You like that, don't you Stevie?" Bucky teased. Steve sniggered in response before he began exploring his way down Bucky's throat with his lips. Bucky instinctively laid his head on the pillow, knowing that this would be intense.  
Bucky moaned as Steve's mouth and hands pleasured his chest, gasping as Steve gently but eagerly engulfed a peaked burgundy nipple. Bucky thrust his pate deep into the pillow, gasping in delight, hardly believing that this was real.  
Leaving Bucky's nipple momentarily, Steve rested his face against Bucky's sternum, listening to the sound of his heart beaking underneath it. It was a sound that suddenly sounded so beautiful to him that he bent his head and kissed Bucky's heart through the skin on his breastbone. Bucky was speechless. He hadn't though that such a gesture would be so profound.  
"You're so beautiful~!" Steve felt his eyes brimming again, "Oh god, I love you, Bucky~!"  
"Don't cry, Babe, you'll make me start~!" Bucky gasped as he hugged Steve, running his hand strough Steve's honey locks. They lied there for a moment, still absorbing the fact that they were together again and fulfilling what they had both longed to do. That they finally could realize what they had feared would never come to pass.

Steve suddenly realized, "Security cameras…! The cell had windows and there's security cameras throughout this building!"

Bucky's eyes widened, slightly horrified, "They'll see us, Steve!"  
Steve raised his head and looked into Bucky's face. He looked so cute when he was perplexed.  
"Let them think what they will," Steve replied, "They've seen much worse things than two men making love, and we've waited so long for this."  
"But Fury won't shut up about regulations if we do-!"  
"Let him. I don't care anymore. I just want you. I've missed you desperately and we finally have a moment to ourselves."  
Bucky looked a bit skeptical, but he couldn't disagree with Steve. Both of them had seen more violence than they ever wanted to see. What harm was a moment of tenderness?

They stripped of their pants, savoring the sweetness of fresh air on their naked legs before they tumbled into bed and pulled the covers over themselves.

Their underwear was also gone in a flash and they found themselves gasping and moaning at the warmth of their naked skin as they wrapped around each other, kissing fervently while their naked erections kissed below them, already slick with arousal.

Steve began with Bucky's neck, with tentative kisses that trailed down his chest, stopping to tease the taut nubs of Bucky's chest before kissing his way down his belly, his hands still playing with Bucky's nipples.

Bucky gasped as Steve kissed his upper thigh before moving onto the inner thigh, very much aware of the arousal that sat just inches from his face. The dark chestnut curls of the nest of Bucky's loins. Steve was overwhelmed by Bucky's virile, musky scent and he eagerly kissed and licked the sensitive skin of Bucky's sack, eliciting an excited gasp from Bucky.

"Steve…!" Bucky sounded urgent. Steve kissed his way up Bucky's stiffness, hardly daring to believe that he and Bucky were doing what they had wanted to do for the longest time.  
Steve's lips kissed the lips of Bucky's foreskin and Bucky thrust his hips from the bed. Surprised but amused, Steve retaliated by sliding Bucky's length into his mouth, cupping his pale bottom as Bucky writhed. "Steve…!" Bucky's strangled moan excited Steve, music to his ears in their passion, "Steve, I'm going…!"

Bucky couldn't finish, but Steve could tell what he wanted to say. Steve had barely time to prepare when Bucky released into his mouth. Steve reflexively sucked, unsure of what to do but very aware that Bucky was at the peak of ecstasy, quiet but sharp moans escaping his mouth.

Slowly, Bucky relaxed and Steve looked up to see the man he loved tired but sated, gasping as his breathing slowly returned to normal, his head pressed into the pillow and his face still rosy with arousal.

Steve gently rested his face on Bucky's loins and kissed the tender skin under the dark thatch of curls. He couldn't believe it. He'd made Bucky come! Somehow, even though Bucky had not pleasured Steve, that knowledge that he'd pleasured Bucky excited Steve even more.

"Steve…" Bucky moaned softly. Steve was at his side instantly, "I'm here, Buck. I'm here."

Gingerly opening his eyes, Bucky first saw Steve's concerned expression. "This is real?" Bucky carefully reached out to touch Steve's face, "It's not a dream?"

Steve kissed Bucky's hand, "It's real, Sweetheart. It's not a dream, don't worry."

A relieved smile spread across Bucky's face. "You're so beautiful, Buck. So, so beautiful…!" Steve moved in for a kiss.  
"I am?" Bucky still didn't think that he deserved the compliment, "You really think that I am?"  
"Of course, Sweetheart," Steve gently pulled him into an embrace, "I always thought that you were too handsome for your own good, but handsome doesn't even begin to describe you. You're more beautiful than I could have imagined. Oh, Bucky I love you…!"

Overcome, Bucky nestled into Steve's chest, awestruck at what they had just experienced. A moment passed before he realized that Steve's erection was poking him in the belly.  
"What have we here?" Bucky asked slyly. Steve blushed before Bucky kissed him reassuringly, "I want to be able to do you too, Steve."  
"Only if you want to, Bucky. I don't want to push you into something if you're not ready," Steve looked earnestly into Bucky's eyes, "Are you sure that you want to?"

"I'm sure," Bucky's face and tone were gentle but vehement, "Lie back, Babe."

Steve savored the enthusiastic kiss before Bucky began kissing his way down Steve's face to his neck, then down his chest where he kissed and teased the pink buds that adorned Steve's voluminous pectorals. Steve was already excited. This was the first time that he'd ever been to bed with anybody. And not with just anybody, but with Bucky, for whom he'd pined and yearned for the longest time.

Bucky stopped when he reached Steve's breastbone, listening to the sound of his pounding heart, before he kissed the skin that hid the breastbone and Steve's heart. Momentarily unsure, the sensation of Steve's arms sliding gently around him, stroking his hair, reassured Bucky that this was all right.

Kissing his way down Steve's belly to one of his thighs, Bucky eagerly kissed the inner thigh as he made his way to the blossom of Steve's loins, nested in golden curls and his soldier standing to attention.

Steve couldn't help but breathe increasingly heavily. He'd only ever heard the Howling Commandoes and the other men of the 107th Division talk about carnal pleasure in general details and he'd never seen anything depicted on film beyond a kiss on the lips and some innocuous caresses. But this…! This tingled like electricity under his skin, Bucky's kisses and touch were intoxicating. He gasped sharply and lifted his back from the bed as he felt Bucky kiss his taut sack, sure that we would release then and there.

"Steve, no perfume could ever smell as sweet as you do," Bucky murmured as he began to tease his way up Steve's cock. Steve froze in disbelief, "Bucky, I think I'm gonna…!"

Bucky wet his lips and, starting with Steve's foreskin, slid his lover's length into his mouth. Almost instantly, Bucky was also swallowing reflexively as he coaxed Steve's release from him.  
Steve was almost gasping, his head pressed into the pillow, and he swore that he saw stars. Intense waves of pleasure were crashing inside him, fighting to escape from one tiny exit, like his body wasn't his own for a moment. "Bucky~! Oh, Bucky…!"

They collapsed, exhausted from their spent passion. Their orgasms had been quick and messy and they felt boneless, but they had never felt such euphoria.

Steve gently but urgently coaxed Bucky to rest his face on his chest. Still giddy, Bucky was more than happy to oblige and sighed as he listened to Steve's pounding heart, intoxicated by the sensation of Steve running his hands through his hair, running his fingertips up and down his back.

"You're amazing, Babe…!" Bucky murmured as he nuzzled into the embrace.  
"You're amazing yourself, Sweetheart," Steve shivered as he squeezed his new lover.

Steve suddenly chuckled, "I always thought that couples, in the movies or on the streets, were exaggerating when they seemed so eager to kiss each other. That the men were exaggerating when they said how much that they loved a woman. It goes to show you what I know…!"  
Bucky joined the laughter, enjoying the rumble of Steve's laugh, "Doesn't it make sense now that we've tried it with the right sweetheart, Babe?"  
Steve's eyes glowed with joy as he stroked Bucky's face, "It sure does, Sweetie. It might have been wrong in 1940, but how can something so wrong feel so right?"

Bucky lifted his head and playfully kissed Steve on the lips, a gesture that Steve was only too happy to reciprocate. Steve's playfulness melted into adoration as he gazed into Bucky's eyes, "I can't believe that this is real, Bucky. You're my dream come true," he stroked Bucky's cheek, "My champion, my Bucky…! I love you so much that it hurts…!"  
Bucky felt warm tears threatening to spill from his eyes and he hid his face in Steve's neck, but Steve knew. "Shhh, it's all right. Don't cry, Darlin'," Steve felt his eyes brimming as he held Bucky, "You'll make me cry."

"It feels so good to hold you, Babe," Bucky's voice was a whisper, "I've missed you so much!"  
"Bucky, my love, I've missed you like nothing else!"

They lied curled together as they fell asleep.

-

Steve awakened in the middle of the night to the sounds of screaming and crying. Startled, he quickly understood. _Bucky!_

"Bucky. Bucky, Sweetie, wake up; you're just having a bad dream. C'mon, I'm here, I've got you. You're safe!"

Bucky's continued to writhe, begging somewhat incoherently but it was clear enough to Steve that it was terrifying.

Steve hastily nudged Bucky. Bucky's eyes flew open; he looked like an animal caught in a trap. He blinked fervently as he gained his bearings. Finding himself in a dark room, Bucky wondered if he was back in a prison cell, but he felt a soft mattress under his back, smooth sheets and warm blankets wrapped around his legs. He felt a warm hand on his cheek and looked up to see two blue eyes gazing at him in worry, eyes that belonged to a handsome man who was whispering to him lovingly. He could hardly remember how, but this man was important to him. He was treating him like he mattered, like he was worth saving. Bucky bitterly thought that this man was mistaken in thinking that he was worth the effort, but the gentle voice and caresses almost made him believe that he was worth it.  
"Bucky, Darlin', you're all right, you're safe. I won't let you fall, I'm not letting anybody hurt you again."  
Why was this man so important to him? And how could he be so kind to an irredeemable monster?  
"Who?"  
"It's Steve, Darlin'. It's your Steve."  
 _"Steve?!"_  
This wasn't one of his handlers, he realized. None of his handlers looked like this, and none of them were ever as gentle and loving as this man was to him. He remembered. He was home.  
"Steve…?"  
He saw that beautiful face nod, a watery smile crossing it, "Yes, Bucky. It's all right, I'm here and I love you."  
Love? Intellectually, he knew but Bucky felt anger and self-revulsion fighting against these tender words. "Love me…? But how…?" Bucky's voice quivered and his reddened eyes became glassy, "How could you love a murderer like me…?"  
In an instant, Steve had Bucky cuddled against his naked chest, caressing him. "That wasn't you, Sweetheart. HYDRA made you do those things, they brainwashed you and made you into their puppet. You would never do anything like that intentionally. Shhh, it's all right."  
Bucky held Steve like a life preserver, sobbing against Steve's naked shoulder, his disbelief faltering somewhat but still holding strong.  
"Shhh, it's all right, Bucky," Steve crooned, stroking Bucky's heaving shoulders and his mussed hair, "Cry all that you need. You're safe. Pierce and Rumlow are dead, and Zola too. I'll never let anybody hurt you again. I love you."

Steve knew that neither of them would ever be their old selves again, but Bucky's night terrors and flashbacks were still a shock to confront as a reality. But he had Bucky, they had each other and that was all that mattered. The late hour meant nothing to Steve as long as he knew that Bucky was with him and that they could hold onto each other in this strange, frightening, confusing world.

"If you don't mind Fury, I plan to be on sabbatical from any missions for a while," Steve said to a slightly annoyed Director Fury, "Bucky and I haven't seen each other since 1944 and he's been traumatized by what HYDRA has done to him. I am asking that I be allowed some time to care for him and help him to adjust to this new world."

"Captain Rogers, I understand your situation with Barnes," Fury replied sternly, "But I can't just grant you a sabbatical when the security of the world is precarious, and especially since we're trying to rebuild SHIELD after HYDRA hijacked it."

"I agree with Rogers on this, Fury," Natasha joined the conversation with Sam beside her, "I know firsthand what the Red Room does to people. I have seen people's memories wiped, and it's a very grim spectacle. And don't forget that while he was an assassin, he did so against his will."

"And based on what I've seen and heard from him so far," Sam added, "I can confidently say that he has PTSD. I've been around enough veterans to recognize it. And Rogers has been fighting so hard to retrieve him, I only think that it's just that they have some time to themselves as well as time to adjust to life in the United States in 2015."

"What would you say then, Fury?" Natasha was inquisitive, "They've only just been reunited; we can't just leave James alone in a holding cell with strangers guarding him. That can't be good for his mental and emotional health."

"He deserves to at least see a familiar face," Steve added, remembering his own experience of awakening in 2011 after nearly seven decades encased in ice, "He's all that I have in the world and we've been separated for seventy years. I can't just leave him in that cell by himself. I need him as much as he needs me."

Steve's eyes were glassy and his voice trembled slightly, but he held strong, "I will not be kept from him again."

Fury closed his eyes, sighing in defeat, "You raise valid points. Rogers, I will allow you several weeks, if that's what you and Barnes need. But I expect both of you to be able to control yourselves as best as you can by the end of those weeks."

"And maybe I can see if I can have Barnes fitted for a better arm," Tony added as he ambled past.

"Thank you, Director Fury."

-

Spending much of the day in Bucky's cell as well as sleeping there wasn't ideal for Steve, but for him it was a bit of paradise to have Bucky with him again, the amused glances of the guards be damned.

"I still can't believe that you'd do this for me, Steve," Bucky murmured against Steve's shoulder, "That you'd spend your days in this cell with me."

"You did the same for me at the hospitals when we were growing up," Steve whispered into Bucky's tousled hair, "You patched me up after I was too dumb to back down from a fight. It's my turn to take care of you, Bucky."

Bucky raised his face to meet Steve's eyes, his own eyes haunted.

"You are more than worth it, Sweetheart," Steve crooned as he cupped Bucky's face, "You deserve to be cared for and loved, despite whatever HYDRA said to you. You are worth the world to me because I love you and I want you to be happy."

"Oh, Steve…!" Bucky's face twisted and his eyes glistened heavily.

Steve pulled him close, kissing his hair, "I do, Sweetie. I love you more than I can say. I'm not leaving you. Remember, I'm with you 'til the end of the line. I love you, Bucky."

"I love you too, Steve. I've missed you so much, Babe…!"

"I've missed you, too."


End file.
